July 1st

Presley lost 10 grams, so she now weighs 1540 grams. To be able to wear clothes she has to gain weight continuously for at least 3 days, so her 3 day count started over tonight. There goes her being able to wear her 4th of July onesie her Daddy bought her. We shrunk it 3 times and she still would be swimming in it lol, so it's not that big of deal. We knew it was a huge possibility when we bought it 2 wks ago that she might not be able to wear it, let alone fit.

What our weekends consist of.... Spending all of our time hanging out with our two beautiful miracle little girls. When you put it that way, it sounds a lot better than spending it at the hospital split up from my other two loves & taking shifts. So to all of those who keep calling this a "vacation" you're off your rocker, because vacations are suppose to be spent relaxing and FUN... and I KNOW I'm not relaxed & the nICU is definitely NOT what I call fun either.

Every night when I finally lay my head down to sleep I'm just exhausted, but then have such a hard time sleeping because my mind won't shut off. Actually I'm so frazzled that I'm pretty sure I'm running on auto-pilot. Today I listened to the nurses talking to/about a family that's had a termie in here for a few days & they're "rooming in" tonight. Ugh they had the regular "big baby bassinet" wheeled in and it sat right across from Presley's isolette. This had me almost in tears because it just seems like rooming in is FOREVER away & it just is hard. On my hardest days, I sit and chew candy or suck on mints, because it helps me be able to try to concentrate on something instead of crying. I decided to switch to candy/mints because the inside of my lip/cheek was starting to get sore. I'm just glad I brought in enough jolly ranchers tonight because I needed them!! I will never understand how some parents just don't put thier kids first & have to have their command get involved just so they will visit their child more than an hour once a day. It just blows my mind, and it makes me so mad. Presley only goes through one feed without one of us being there, and that's an NG tube feed... But even that bothers me that I can't be there with her 24/7. It's hard though because I feel caught in the middle, where I wish I could be cloned to have one of me for Libby, one of me for Presley, one of me to do everything else, and then one of
me to sleeeeeep!!! I wish!!!

I did get to help with Presley's bath today & man she is just so tiny! She has the tiniest bum I have ever seen, and rolling her preemie diapers down in the front to fit her, It's just crazy to change her diaper when I've been changing Libby's too. It's a HUGE difference & it's just amazing that we can keep miracles like her alive, because she is so teeny.