Today was just one of those days, maybe because it's Monday, or because it was cloudy but whatever it was, it just didn't go well. It was one thing after the next, and just one if those days where nothing went right.
I won't go into huge detail, but one of the nurses got really short with me & said something that hurt my feelings & it got under my skin for the rest of the day. Then my pumping schedule was all thrown off & since that's one of the only things that I can do for Presley, it really worried me that my supply would drop. My supply so far is doing great and I am going to need to get a third bin in the freezer pretty soon!!! Here's the most recent supply pic :)
Today I was only able to breastfeed once because of the nurse I mentioned earlier & she only latched on for about 6 mins & then she bradyd pretty badly so they had me put her back into her isolette. So I only got to hold her for 6 mins all day & it's just been breaking my heart all day that I don't get to decide when I get to feed her, or hold her when I want & I just hate this. It's SO hard. It hurts me so much when she cries and I can't hold her. It's hard because I just want her home with me & we know that can't happen for a while, and this just hurts. Leaving the hospital always just physically breaks me down, and I usually end up crying the whole 5 minute uphill walk to our storks nest home.
Presley weighs 1500 grams now!!! That's about all my happy news for today, and I'm just hoping that tomorrow is easier and I will be able to hold my angel for more than 6 minutes. I know I shouldn't complain as there are others I know who have had/have much worse than I do, but man it's hard not to be negative sometimes. I JUST want to hold her, comfort her, and rock her to sleep. I want to be able to nurse her in the privacy of my own home.. I want that intimate bonding that mother and child supposedly get through breastfeeding, because right now, breastfeeding is NOT intimate at all, I don't even know why they put up the privacy shades in the NICU for when I feed her, because it's not like any of them actually use them... I'm pretty sure everyone has seen my tata's in the NICU. One day it won't be like this. Aaron & I are always saying "one day.." to each other, that or we tell Presley that One day she WILL be wireless. One day, you will be out of here, and Mama & Daddy will be able to love on you and hold you, and kiss you as much as we want without having to ask!! Prepare to be spoiled little Miss Presley!!!
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