My Cup Runneth Over

My sweet, beautiful, precious little miracle... giving me a gorgeous smile on Mother's Day

So I feel bad that my blog has turned into something that isn't as happy as other family blogs, and just wanted to do a post on how amazingly grateful I am to have the life I have. I can't promise that every post will be as mushy & happy as this one, but for now this will have to do. Although life seems so hard sometimes, and so difficult with all these setbacks & "delays", and pregnancy issues.. even with ALL of that stress, I LOVE my life.

I am so head over heels in love with my husband. He is my rock & is always there for me no matter what. He has been so caring and understanding (most) of the time, and just at the moment I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown, he is there to make it better... or at least make some silly joke that makes me laugh in the midst of my crying. I'm thankful that he is my best friend, & I'm thankful to have him by my side. He's my biggest fan, and I'm thankful to have found the love of my life so early on in life, and to be sharing this wonderful life with him for Eternity. Sure we have our struggles, and tend to bicker/argue, but what couple doesn't? Whoever says that they "don't" do this... is LYING. Marriage is hard sometimes, and sometimes us women are left wondering WHY do we even need a husband. LOL I won't lie, I have thought this a time or two... but then I'm always reminded of all the amazing things I love about him & even though sometimes I complain to him how much he is annoying me... I couldn't live without him. He won't ever read this, but Thank You Aaron. You have brought me sooo much happiness to my life, and most of all you have given me my two precious girls, that I love with all my heart.

I think back two Mother's Days ago, and it just AMAZES me how different life is now, and how much happier I am because she is in my life. Two years ago, I was hurting SO badly from suffering from repeat miscarriages, and infertility. I was wondering if I was ever going to become a Mother, and it was HARD. I saw all of my friends, family, complete strangers getting what I desperately wanted with all my heart and soul. I felt like inside I was dying, because I knew I had SO much love to give, I knew that I was MEANT to be a Mother. There is this song by Kellie Coffey called I would Die for That. That song was me to a T. We struggled SOO much, went through fertility treatment after treatment, drug after drug, tests after tests, spent LOADS of money on TTC & did things that everyone said "might" work that later our Dr.s laughed at. Even after all that, and then the severe depression I went through after our last miscarriage... Life was HARD. Then right before we gave up, along came the greatest blessing of my life. Liberty decided to stick around, and I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to have her in my life. I had such a hard time bonding with her while I was pregnant, & I know how bad that sounds.. I just was so extremely scared that I was going to lose her, that it was hard to allow myself to get close. I will never forget the moment I first saw her, 28hrs old, and her tiny little body under the lights in that incubator with cords coming out of everywhere, bradying badly & hooked up to a ventilator. We weren't allowed to hold her for another 7 days, but they let me put my hand in to touch her, and as soon as I touched her hand, she instantly turned her head towards me & wrapped her tiny little hand around my finger & held on so tightly that her hand went white. I was instantly bonded to her, and I will never forget the love that I instantly felt for her. She KNOWS I'm her Mother, and the bond I have with her, I would go through EVERYTHING a million billion times over, just for the time I have spent with her, and the chance I have been given to be her Mother. Which being a Mother, is the greatest blessing in the world.

I look back on that song now 2 years later, and it tugs on my heartstrings, because I almost did die for her.. and I would do it all over again. I haven't told many about the feelings I felt when I was getting the central line placed in my neck, and he hit my carotid artery. There I was laying in a puddle of my blood, blood matting my hair, and what Aaron says looked like a scene from a horror movie. It was hectic, there were frantic words being said, codes being called, and some not so choice words being said by many in the room... but mostly for me, it was the scariest. Everything started to go dark, black, and I started to feel like I was falling backwards, and at that moment when I felt like I was dying, that I started PLEADING with God to let me live, and that if living wasn't his plan for me, to at least let me live long enough to be able to run my finger across her cheek & to tell her I loved her. I remember saying if I can at least have that, then I'm okay if that's your plan & Instantly felt this feeling of peace, love, and comfort around me. It's crazy to think that at one of the worst & scariest times in my life, was also one of the most spiritual for me that strengthened my testimoney beyond what words can describe.So looking back on all that, as I sit here looking at my beautiful little angel sleeping peacefully right next to me, I'm just amazed & feel like the LUCKIEST girl in the world to have all that I have been given.

I LOVE my Liberty. She is my angel, my saving Grace, and my whole heart. This past Mother's Day was a WONDERFUL day. Libby smiled at me what seemed like ALL day, and it seemed like she said MaMa more than she ever had in any other day. I know that every single time she says Mama, my heart melts, because I know how hard I worked to get to this point, and I know deep in my heart just how very blessed I am. Oh the difference a few years can make. If someone had told me a few years ago that if I just held on a little bit longer, that I'd have the most precious beautiful 11 month old Baby Girl AND be 27 wks pregnant in my 3rd trimester with my SECOND Baby Girl, I probably would have laughed and said Yeah Right. I'm so very humbled, and feel so very very blessed to be a Mother to not just Liberty, but soon to Presley too. My cup seriously is overflowing, and I'm so thankful we didn't give up, and that we had Faith. It's absolutely AMAZING what Faith can do.

So for all of my loved ones that are still TTC and struggling, know that even if you are told by Dr.s that it's almost impossible to have children, I'm living proof that it IS. That the impossible, IS possible. Aaron & I have had many of good laughs at the couple of doctors that told us we wouldn't be able to have children. We may have been that 2-3% chance of it happening, and out of a 100% those odds seemed pretty grim.. BUT look at us now :) Looks like Doctors DON'T know everything. Sometimes you just have to do your best, and then have faith that God will take care of the rest.

I know I complain which is normal and everyone does it. Don't let those out there that act and seem like they have a perfect life fool you.EVERYONE has their own set of problems. No one's life is perfect, and everyone struggles every once in a while. Sure we probably won't ever have lot's of money, because lets face it, as long as Aaron is the military, we all know the pay sucks. But we own both our cars, we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, Aaron has a steady job that he likes & has the opportunity to gain rank & accel, money in savings (okay so it's a pretty meager amount next to most, but at least it's some) But most of all, we are happy, healthy (for the most part) and have the love of the most beautiful little girl in the world & one on the way. THAT is more meaningful to me than having some giant bank account & I think my life is RICH in the blessings that Aaron & I have. LIFE is GOOD!